It's been a while we had spoken so I sent her an email, saying "Are you well?" Not that I was her friend or anything. In fact I was not a regular reader of her blog. Really her preoccupation with cryptics was a bit turn off. I guess that's because I went through a similar phase when I was younger and gradually developed an aversion to this old skill. Moreover I never feel comfortable staying too long on other people's blogs. Feels like I am intruding. Feels like I am eavesdropping. An intense feeling of strangeness comes over me on this internet space.
In the beginning was a quibble between her and me when she picked on my translation of "davvula" as "tender shoots."
"It's an interesting interpretation, but it isn't correct translation," she said.
Then we agreed that translation is a bit like cryptic crossword.
"True," I thought.
"May be I can make stuff up and send them to her...," I thought.
"Rusty," I said. "But still try these...," knowing I didn't exactly stick to the cryptic rules.
1) You can get it in Los Angeles and Louisiana (6)
2) ATI now acquired, found next to everyone, is confused. Like you! (6)
"How lovely," she replied almost instantly. "Lalita of course," perhaps smiling, "Geez these *are* rusty really..."
Then, on that day, broken and sitting alone on the bed, I think she was the first one I sent an email to speak to *someone* in the sadness that overtook me. I was overwhelmed with a feeling that I am being selfish reaching out to people I love, because I was convinced they didn't love me. Feeling guilty to reach out to others but didn't feel guilty to reach out to Lalita. Others simply replied back, saying they are sorry and saying "they knew how fond I was of her..." Lalita too replied back. But she spoke to me. I didn't feel I was imposing on her, or putting a burden on her. Though drowned in that sadness, it occurred to me that there was a quiet space that she gives. Space where conversation, while not ceasing, stops short of. Space where you felt you are no longer drowned in that intense feeling of strangeness.
It means a lot to me, that morsel of a moment when you drove away that strangeness. For that and much more, thank you Lalita. Done your time friend, now watch over us...please?
